Best Date Ever?
Trill or Not Trill?
After one conversation, it was apparent that Elton was a classy fellow. He studied at Oxford with a graduate degree from Yale. The brother was captain of his rowing team. How many black guys you know did that? His double breasted navy blazer fit perfectly and matched even better with his charcoal brown loafers. Antoinette had been used to dating guys with a lot less refinery, but not today! One date with Elton could be the step away from aimless Tinder swipes and free vodka cranberry’s from weirdos. When he invited her to the world famous Xi Yang Chinese Restaurant in Soho, a sister couldn’t pass up.
“Good Evening, Welcome to Xi Yang. My name is Lucy and I’ll be serving you tonight. Our specials are Tom Kha Gaimade with fresh coconuts and organic free range chicken and as entrée special, we have a Beijing chicken and walnuts, sautéed in our own sweet brown sauce.”
Elton started rolling eyes seconds after the mention of free range.
“That sounds quite delicious Lucy but I am ready to order. May I request your finest Barbecue Spare Rib Tips with a side of French Fries and but of course, I’d prefer extra hot sauce and ketchup on the fries.”
The waitress hesitated and looked at Antoinette for possible clarification. She was just as surprised at her date’s response.
“My apologies sir, but that is not offered on our menu.”
“This meal is ubiquitous and should be found at all Chinese restaurants,” he responded.
“I’m truly sorry sir. Can I offer you a delightful shredded beef with dried bean curd and chili pepper instead? It’s one of our specialties.”
“Actually, might I have a portion of chicken wings with pork fried rice and again extra hot sauce on the wings please.”
Antoinette chuckled initially, thinking it was all a joke. As he continued she felt the need to jump in.
“Elton, a place like this won’t be serving food like that.”
“Whatever do you mean sugar plum?”
“People only order stuff like that at hood Chinese spots.”
“What pray tell is a hood Chinese spot?”
“You know where they have the bullet proof glass and sell the sweet iced tea in giant plastic containers. The food never looks as classy in pictures as they do in the styrofoam containers. It’s cheap and transcends race if you ask me.”
“Hitherto, I have known such an establishment.”
“So where did you think to order those meals?”
“One evening at Phillipe Chow’s, I found myself in a back room playing backgammon with Michelle Rodriguez, Jay Z and Ben Affleck. The head chef displayed a lovely spread of these particular dishes.” It was an exquisite experience and rather delicious.”
“What’s Michelle Rodriguez like?”
“She’s actually quite pleasant. Not as rough as the media portrays. Also, she has nice feet.”
Lucy had given them time to think and peruse.
“Can I offer you some wine before you make a decision on dinner?”
“Why yes, we shall have two glasses of your finest Remy Red.”
“Sir, I apologize, once more. We do not serve Remy Martin. Could I interest you in another cognac option?”
“Lucy, I say this with deep regret, but with your paltry selection, we’ve decided to have dinner elsewhere.”
Antoinette got up from her seat without question and followed Elton as they exited.
“Let’s bypass dinner. I know of this beautiful bakery, down the block that we can patronize.”
The two walked into Le Bon Gateau which was only two doors down from their Chinese excursion. Zagat had rated Le Bon Gateau as the top rated bakery in Manhattan. Antoinette knew of the place but never bothered to enter. A cupcake cost 21 dollars in there.
“Pardon me, my young compatriot. We would like a honey bun and an individually packed Zebra Cake.”
“We don’t have either of those items. There is this great apple cinnamon roll supreme though. It’s kind of like a honey bun but worlds better. A gluten free option is also available.”
The polite response bothered Elton to no end.
“Better than a honey bun you say? How dare one besmirch the greatest pastry ever made? Frankly, I am insulted. Antoinette, let’s go.”
At this point, Antoinette didn’t know what to think. How can someone of his caliber continually make corner store and hood spot references? He carried himself with such pristine sharpness. This was not the Riverdale native she had met at the private Guggenheim event. The guy who talked about the new Franzen novel in the same breath as the Coates essay was now ordering Little Debbie’s at a fancy bakery.
“Elton, I have to ask. Where are you really from?”
“If you must ask, I’m really from the South Bronx.”
“What about Oxford and the rowing team, were those stories true?”
“Yes, all that is actually true but at the end of the day, you can take a nigga out the hood but you can’t take the hood out a nigga. Now gimme your fucking purse.”
“This is what one calls the dreaded vis-à-vis with the dreaded thug. “
Elton pulled out a knife and Antoinette handed over her purse. He removed her cell phone from the purse and said, “don’t call the cops or we’ll come after you, but give me a call sometime. I know a great place for drinks and trust me they will definitely serve Remy.”
WHAT WOULD HAVE YOU DONE?
Stay trill, folks.