“Let’s try something new tonight.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“I was thinking a little role play.”
“Really? I thought you weren’t into that sort of thing.”
“I’m a changed a man. “

Phil had read articles in both GQ and online on Complex that suggested role play as a way to spruce up life in the bedroom. He wasn’t one for different positions. He accidentally called her the  C word once during dirty talk and Paula’s reaction suggested that he never whisper sexily again. That one time he tried to spank her bountiful bottom resulted in a broken pinky. Role play seemed easy enough. The high school acting classes from 10 years ago would finally be useful.

“I’m all for it. Did you have something planned?”
“Yeah put on this nurse’s costume and I’ll go change, come back and we can start.”

Paula excitedly changed out of her boy shorts and oversized t shirt into the new outfit. It hugged all the right parts. Frankly, she was impressed that her boyfriend knew what size would look sexiest.

Phil walked out of the bathroom dressed in full military regalia. Paula smiled curtly but he did not return the gesture.

“Nurse where is my medicine?”
“Oh um, I’m sorry, general. I seem to have misplaced it. Maybe there’s some other remedy you had in mind.”
“The remedy shall be your life heathen.”

Paula immediately snapped out of character.

“My what? Phil hold on for a second. What are you talking about?”
“Who is Phil? Is there another man hanging about your person, wench?”
“Enough Phil. It’s not working. That’s not sexy.”

Phil peeped the flaws in his plan and decided to go big. He picked up Paula and held her tight in a bear hug. She liked that. He threw onto the bed. She really liked that. The momentum was picking up as he ripped open his shirt. Paula was ready now.

“Close your eyes.”
“Yes, baby”, she responded.

Phil reached under the bed pulled out a show box. He opened that bad boy up and out came a baby crocodile. The gun hidden in his back waistband came out next. The weapon was pointed at directly at Paula as he simultaneously dangled the croc over her face.

“Open those pretty eyeballs right now.”

Paula excitedly opened up and immediately jumped back. Her screams could he heard throughout the apartment.  Those nosy neighbors, the Joseph and Nina Patel would surely respond. Tears were flowing from her eyes now. She shivered with great fear as she cried out, “Oh my God what are you doing?”

“Paula’s it’s not real. Look it’s just hard plastic. Why are you crying baby? This is supposed to be sexy. Should have given you an alligator instead? I knew it.”

“Sexy? Are you out of your mind? I’m fucking shaking over here. What’s this supposed to even represent? What kind of role playing is this?”

“I’m Idi Amin. I figured I’d be the last king of Scotland and you’d be my 3rd wife. I guess it didn’t work.”

“No, Phil it didn’t. In fact, you should probably plan on never trying anything with me again.”

A knock came from the door. It was likely those damn Patels.


jeff trill

Stay Trill, folks.